Coming Home for the Summer

When your child comes home for the summer after freshman year at college, life will be different than it was before. That seems obvious, but without giving it some prior thought, it’s easy to have certain expectations, and then experience misunderstandings and conflict when your son or daughter seems to be following a different script than you are.

Living away from home for a school year is a life-changing event, and your student will be comfortable with and used to independence, especially coming and going without checking in with anybody. That could be an area of conflict if you expect the courtesy of a phone call to let you know when your child will be home.

On the other hand, you may be anticipating new-found maturity and independence, and be disappointed to find the kitchen sink filled with dirty dishes, laundry left for you to do, and the gas tank on empty when you need the car. It can be daunting to realize that even though your child is now technically an adult, your role as a parent and teacher is still in play. In the process of launching him or her as an independent adult, you will have to reinvent just what that role is—something you’ve probably done a few times through the years with your child.

You also may think you know your child’s interests and identity, but could find that he or she has made some major changes in that regard with absolutely no discussion with you. The young woman who was set on being a veterinarian may now want to study history, and also refuse to participate in the family religion. The young man who was adamantly opposed to an earring may come home with a tattoo—and a nose ring. There will no doubt be some emotional and rocky times during the summer, but your lives will be enriched if mutual respect and listening are the guides you put in place for you and your child to stay connected with each other.