Roommate Agreements

Below is our Roommate Agreement Template. This is an excellent tool for you to use, and we encourage you to start considering your responses before your roommate relationship begins.

Discussion Guidelines

Be fully engaged in conversation and actively listen to what is being shared
Be open and have a non-judgmental attitude
Be present and participatory in dialogue
Be willing to learn and challenge your perception

Agreement Topics

Room Cleanliness, Decorations, & Usage

These questions will focus primarily on how you will share your physical room space.

Room Decoration Policy Review: Furniture should not be placed in a manner that obstructs the door from opening. Items should not be affixed from the ceiling or wrapped/hanging from any pipes, sprinkler heads, etc. Empty alcoholic beverage containers are not permitted as decoration. Consult the Student and Community Expectations to learn more information at www.housing.wisc.edu/expectations/.

How clean do we expect our room to be? What is our shared definition of “clean”?
Will the door be kept open when someone is in the room, or closed at all times?
Will windows/blinds be open or closed at all times, or will it depend on the weather or time of day?
What’s the ideal temperature of the room? Will you use fans, have windows open, etc.?
How will you determine room decorations? Will you discuss it all first or divide up the room?

Shareable Items

These questions will focus on how you share items in the room. Please indicate things that each roommate is willing to let other roommates use, not use, or use with permission.

*Yes- yes, my roommate(s) may use this

*No- no, my roommate(s) may not use this

*Ask- my roommate(s) may use this item if they ask and receive permission

*N/A- we don’t have this item in our room

Television
Computer/Tablet
Printer
Game Console
Stereo/Speakers/Headphones
School Supplies
Clothes
Microwave
Food/Drinks
Furniture
Any other items (specify item and Yes, No, Ask for each)

Guests

These questions pertain to having guests in your shared space.

Guest Policy Review: Residents are responsible for their guests. Overnight guests may not stay more than 3 consecutive nights. Residents may not have guests for more than 6 nights/month or 2 weekends/month. Overnight guests are only permitted if all roommates agree. Guests/visitors may not be in possession of room keys or WisCards. Consult the Student &Community Expectations to learn more information at www.housing.wisc.edu/expectations/.

When are guests allowed to stay overnight?
How much notice will you give each other? How will you notify each other?
Can guests be in the room when non-host room owner(s) are not present?
How do you feel about intimacy and/or sexual activity occurring in your room? When, if at all, can it occur?
Are guests allowed to sit on or sleep in your bed? What about eating food/using items?

Sleep and Academics

What time do you typically go to sleep? What time do you typically wake up? Is your sleep schedule different on weekends than during the week? If so, how?
Where do you prefer to study (in the room, community spaces in the hall, library, elsewhere on campus, off campus, etc.)? What is your behavior when studying (listen to music/TV, talk out loud, scatter items, silence)? Indicate each roommate’s preference (ex. Bucky likes to study in the library, in silence)
Do you have a hard time going to sleep/staying asleep if the following is happening in the room? (guests in the room, television/music/video game is on, overhead lights are on, small lights/desk lights are on, someone is talking on the phone/video chatting, etc.) Indicate each roommate’s preference (ex. Bucky has a hard time going to sleep when there are guests in the room)
Do you have a hard time focusing or get stressed/distracted when the following is happening in the room? (guests in the room, television/music/video game is on, overhead lights are on, small lights/desk lights are on, someone is talking on the phone/video chatting, etc.) Indicate each roommate’s preference (ex. Bucky has a hard time focusing when the Badger game is on)

Alcohol and Other Drugs

We know that individual choices around alcohol and drug use sometimes cause roommate conflicts. Sometimes these conflicts arise over storing or using alcohol and/or other drugs in the room and sometimes these are due to behaviors of others while under the influence. While keeping University Housing and state law in mind, we encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with your roommate(s) about your expectations for behavior in your shared space related to these matters.

Being under the influence of alcohol and/or other drugs is not an excuse for disrespectful behavior towards your roommate(s) or for creating an unsafe situation in your room. Please know that Housing staff will document all alcohol and/or other drug violations which we observe and that all room owners can be held accountable for policy violations in the shared room. Review the Student/Community Expectations at www.housing.wisc.edu/expectations/ for more information on all policies including alcohol and other drugs

Communication and Conflict

Your voice is powerful! Allowing others to advocate for you in times of conflict does not mean the conflict is resolved or over. You are your own best advocate in these situations. Please note that the best way to resolve conflict is having a face-to-face conversation. Notes on whiteboards, social media, texts, other people, etc. are not recommended to resolve conflict. House Fellows and Residence Life Coordinators are here to help you navigate resolutions when conflicts arise.

How do you want to communicate (In-person, Text, Snapchat, Instagram, other)?
Do you want to follow each other or connect on social media platforms? If so, which ones?
How comfortable are you with a roommate posting/tagging a photo or video of you on social media?
How do you want to approach the conversation if you or someone you know/mutual friend talks negatively about one of us on social media? Or posts something that makes you feel uncomfortable or feel unsafe?
List any special circumstances you want to share with your roommate(s):
How can your roommate(s) tell if you are stressed or frustrated?
How can your roommate(s) help you if you are stressed or frustrated?
When conflict arises, how will you bring it up to your roommate(s)?
How will you work through conflicts with your roommate(s)? Be specific.

Tips for Success

Respect Your Roommate’s Belongings

It’s important to respect each other’s belongings to maintain a harmonious living environment. Here are some tips:
- Food: Always ask before taking or using your roommate’s food. Label your own food to avoid confusion.
- Bed and Bedding: Never use your roommate’s bed or bedding without permission.
- Futon and Furniture: Respect your roommate’s furniture and avoid using it without asking first.

Respect Your Roommate’s Privacy and Space

Privacy is crucial when living with roommates. Here are some guidelines:

Privacy: If you need to have a private conversation over the phone or computer, please use headphones or coordinate with your roommate to have the space to yourself. If you are in the room and notice your roommate is having a conversation that seems private, it is in everyone’s best interest if you’re able to go to a different space until they are done.
- Intimate Partner Relationships: If you plan to have sex or otherwise engage in intimacy with a partner in the room, make sure your roommate is not present. Ask for privacy in advance.
Boundaries: Do not use your roommate’s bed or furniture without permission. Establish clear boundaries and respect them.

Establish Cleaning Routines

It is recommended that you and your roommate(s) establish a cleaning routine, which could include a chore chart and a trash/recycling removal schedule.

In a small room, it is crucial to take out trash and wash laundry, including bedding, regularly.
- Everyone has different styles and norms around cleanliness and neatness. Communicate with your roommate(s) about what feels best for you.

Build a Social Network Outside of Your Roommate(s)

Make friends and get involved outside of your roommate. Even if you’re getting along great at the beginning, it’s important to have a wider circle of connections.
Go to events. Join a club. Get involved. Diversify your experience.
- Check out Wisconsin Late Night, Wisconsin Weekdays, the Center for Cultural Enrichment (CCE), Red Gym, etc.
- Leave your room-see what the campus and community have to offer!

Share Your Room Equitably and Compromise

All roommates pay for the room and share it equally. That means compromise is essential. You all are encouraged to talk openly about needs, agree on shared responsibilities, and respect each other’s space and habits.

Need to Vent? Choose Wisely.

Avoid venting to others on your floor. It can create sides and unnecessary drama. Instead, talk directly with your roommate or reach out to your House Fellow for support.

Manage Your Expectations

Roommates are just that: roommates. It is okay to simply coexist and be cordial with your roommates. You don’t have to be best friends. Mutual respect and communication are key. A cordial, functioning relationship is more important than a close friendship.

Avoid Assumptions and Choose Communication

Our brains are good at creating stories in the absence of information, especially when we’re stressed. Ask questions rather than making assumptions. Be curious and open up a dialogue.

Roommate Relationships

How to Have Healthy Disagreements

For first-year college students living on campus, learning how to have healthy disagreements is an essential life skill. It begins with self-awareness and being able to understand one’s own emotional triggers and taking a moment to pause before reacting can prevent unnecessary escalation. When expressing concerns, use “I” statements to communicate how you feel without placing blame. Consider looking at the suggestion charts below:

Helpful “I” Statements (Promote Resolution)	Harmful Statements (Escalate Conflict)
I feel stressed when the room is messy because I like to relax in a clean space.	You never clean up after yourself- you’re so dirty.
I have trouble sleeping when there’s noise late at night. I’d appreciate it if we could keep things quieter after 10 p.m.	You’re always so loud at night!
I feel overwhelmed when I end up doing most of the cleaning in our room. Can we talk about how to divide things more evenly?	You don’t do your share of the chores. I always do everything in the room!
I feel like I don’t have enough alone time in the room. Can we figure out a way to give each other more space?	You never leave the room. Why don’t you have any friends or join an org?
Let’s figure out a guest schedule that works for both of us.	If you don’t like it when my partner is here, maybe you should move out.

Listening is just as important as speaking. Practice active listening by giving your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and paraphrasing what the other person says to ensure clarity. Ask questions if you have them to show that you’re engaged and open to their perspective. During disagreements, focus on the issue at hand rather than attacking the person. Avoid bringing up unrelated past issues and aim to resolve the current concern constructively.
Collaboration is key to finding solutions. Your roommate is not your sibling and may not be a best friend, or even a friend. Approach the conversation with a mindset of teamwork by asking, “What can we both do to make this work?” Be willing to compromise and understand that you don’t have to agree on everything to live peacefully. Timing also matters- don’t initiate serious conversations when either of you is tired, stressed, or distracted. Instead, say something like, “Can we talk about something that’s been on my mind tonight at 6pm?”
Finally, know when to seek help. If a disagreement becomes too intense or unmanageable, reach out to your House Fellow. Be reminded that seeking support is not a sign of failure. It’s a proactive step toward maintaining a healthy and respectful living environment.

Communication Styles and Tips

We recommend that you fill out your roommate agreement and set a date to revisit what was agreed upon to ensure it is still helpful to all roommates.

Communication styles differ with family of origin, culture, personal preference-not everyone communicates like you do. Everyone has to adjust and adapt. Below are some sample scripts that you can use and adapt when you need to discuss something with your roommate(s).

Sample Script Example 1: Initiating a Conversation About a Roommate Issue

Hey [Roommate’s Name], do you have a few minutes to talk? I wanted to check in about something that’s been on my mind. I really value having a good relationship with you, and I think it’s important we’re both comfortable in our space.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit [describe your feeling-e.g., overwhelmed, distracted, uncomfortable] because of [briefly describe the issue-e.g., the noise level at night, how we share the space, guests being over often]. I know we might have different habits or expectations, and that’s totally normal.

I just wanted to talk about how we can make things work better for both of us. I’m open to hearing your perspective too-maybe there’s something I haven’t considered. Would you be okay with us figuring out a plan together that works for both of us?

Sample Script Example 2: Initiating a Conversation About a Roommate Issue

Hi [Roommate’s Name], I hope it’s okay to bring something up. I’ve been thinking about it for a little while, and I just wanted to talk for a minute if that’s alright. I’ve been feeling a bit stressed and unsure about something in our room, and I wasn’t sure how to say it. I really don’t want to make things awkward-I just thought it might help if we could talk about it together. It’s about [briefly mention the issue-like the noise at night, how we share the space, or something else]. I know we both have our own ways of doing things, and I totally respect that. I just thought maybe we could figure out a way that works for both of us? I’m open to hearing your thoughts too-I really want us to feel comfortable living here together.

Conversation Exit Strategies

Sometimes, despite our best intentions and strategies, a conversation does not go well. For first-year college students, knowing how to pause a difficult conversation and revisit it later is a valuable skill, especially when living in close quarters with roommates or peers. Continuing a heated discussion can often do more harm than good. Using respectful exit strategies allows both parties to cool down and return to the conversation with a clearer mindset.

Start by acknowledging the tension. Let the other person know that you recognize the conversation is important, but that emotions may be too high to continue productively.
1. For example, you might say, “I care about what you’re saying, but I’m feeling overwhelmed. Can we take a break and talk later?” or “I want to keep this respectful, and I think I need a moment to cool down.”
Set a time to revisit the conversation. This shows intentionality.
1. It’s okay to take a break from a tough conversation. That doesn’t mean you’re avoiding the issue-just postponing it for a better time. You could say things like:
  1. “Can we check in after dinner tonight to talk more calmly?”
  2. “Let’s revisit this tomorrow at 4pm when we’ve both had time to think.”
2. Keep your tone neutral and calm-your voice can either help settle things or make them worse. Keep your tone neutral and calm-your voice can either help settle things or make them worse.
  1. If the conversation feels too hard to manage on your own, don’t hesitate to ask for help. House Fellows are trained to mediate and can help both people feel heard. You might say things like:
    1. “I think we need help working through this. Would you be open to talking with our House Fellow?”
    2. “I’m not sure how to move forward. I’m going to reach out to our House Fellow for support.”
  2. If the issue is more emotional or complicated, you can also use campus counseling or mediation services. You might say,
    1. “I want to make sure we handle this in a healthy way. I’m going to talk to someone at the counseling center for advice.”
  3. If the issue is more serious and you’re concerned about your safety, please call UWPD or your House Fellow On Duty or any available in hall staff.
3. Thank your roommate. When you’re ready to talk again, start by thanking your roommate for being willing to pause earlier. Reaffirm your goal with something like, “I really want us to find a way to live together peacefully.” Then speak calmly, listen actively, and work together toward a solution.

When to Seek Help

It is always a good idea to ask for help when something isn’t going well, and your roommate relationship is no different. Here are some of your resources:

UHS

UHS has a variety of resources available to you when you’re struggling with anything, including your roommate relationship or living in a community. Consider dropping in for a 20-minute Let’s Talk session!

House Fellow

Your House Fellow is going to regularly say hi and ask how you are doing and how things are going with your roommate. Be honest. Consider sharing small things and getting support to avoid them turning into big things.

Residence Life Coordinator

Your Residence Life Coordinator (RLC) can be found in your building’s Residence Life Office (RLO). You can contact them via email or just show up and tell them what’s going on. They are a great resource, particularly if you’ve tried working through things with a House Fellow and aren’t satisfied with the progress. RLCs also facilitate Room Swaps, so if you’ve found someone to swap rooms with, contact your RLC to make it happen.

Assistant Director

Your Assistant Director works with several buildings and will make time to connect with you about your living environment. They move around to various buildings, so sending an email to schedule a meeting time and location is your best bet.

Assignments Office

If you are committed to pursuing a room change, you can go on your MyUW Housing Portal to submit a Room Change. Our Assignments team works diligently to respond to these. You’re welcome to contact them to ask about your chances of getting your room changed or any other questions you have about your assignment.

UWPD

University Police should be contacted if a crime has occurred, including theft, or if someone has been threatened or physically harmed. You are encouraged to either contact them directly or enlist the support of your House Fellow, RLC, or Assistant Director to be there with you when you make the report.